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i'm just your average writer and content strategist specializing in new media, design, food and sustainability.



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11 July 11

castle rock wine opened and corked 10 days ago and fear and loathing in las vegas

this quiz is for all californianas and californians at heart. please open a new text doc and give yourself one point for every item below that you can answer “yes, i’ve thought that when traveling outside of california.” at the end please tally the score up.

  1. for a gas station salad bar, this is pretty good
  2. i just don’t feel like i’m getting a lot of nutrition from this salad bar salad.
  3. i really should think of this less as a salad and more as a “plate of raw vegetable crudites”
  4. i can’t believe this gas station has no apples or even bananas. at the last gas station, i got a 2 for 1 deal on bananas.
  5. i suppose the protein at breakfast is worth the corn syrup in this single container of smooth peanut butter
  6. i don’t even remember the last time i had a red delicious apple that was so good! probably should take another one from the continental breakfast basket for the road.
  7. fuck why did i mess around getting a normal sized waffle machine when i could have gotten one of these “4 tiny waffles” waffle machines
  8. man i wish i could do math so that i could figure out what percentage of the tubs in this salad bar involve canned items
  9. you know, i actually prefer baby carrots to those carrot shreds that you get sometimes
  10. i don’t feel bad for hating nevada anymore
  11. clearly this buffet got the message that mark bittman thinks that iceberg lettuce is back in style
  12. i will never feel bad about that salad bar by work again
  13. really? canned black olives? not even green?
  14. oh, WHOLE black olives, not slices. these are good!
  15. upon returning to california, real excitement at seeing chickpeas in the salad bar
  16. wow!
  17. plan for a salad course followed by a fruit course cuz the last town didn’t have any fruit
  18. halfway through the salad course, realize that you didn’t actually get any chickpeas, look abruptly at where the chickpeas were and realize that in a protein deprived insanity, you completely accepted the chickpea reality of what turned out to be croutons.
  19. that asshole who just walked in, looked at the salad bar, and left the cafe is clearly coming from the california side and heading to nevada. cuz if he was coming from the nevada side to california, he would have gobbled the fuck out of that salad bar with his eyes before preparing to pay whatever it took to eat that salad fucking bar. because the next town in nevada had no fruit let alone fucking vegetables.
  20. if you’ve ever been the only one in polite company who was given canned pineapple as a child and can describe things as “like the juice that you drink at the bottom of the canned pineapple can,” subtract a point

ok, go ahead and tally up your score. here is the scoring system:

  • if your score is 1 or more, please rate yourself a fucking asshole.
  • if your score is less than 0, you are clearly not a californian and do not aspire to californianess, so fucking fuck you.
Tags: salad bar
Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh