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you know, food hatering

i'm just your average writer and content strategist specializing in new media, design, food and sustainability.



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alltheumbles @ gmail.com

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8 June 11

internet space history map

guys i don’t think it’s that hard. it’s an internet space history culture time continuum.

here is the map with my concentric circles of culture, internet, space, history, and time:

as you can clearly see, there are 3 loci of fast internet that are at the peak of the history/geography winners circle. i have identified the borders of the time/internet space with easy to understand rectangle borders (pink). the arrows indicate the direction that history, culture, and evolution go. the slower the internet, the more your children learn about being poor and oppressed.

(*****you might have to take a bus on a dirt road with chickens to get to the places with the appropriate level of oppression for your children to really fucking learn.)

please note tho that at the very tips, outside the pink rectangles, you might run into places with no internet at all. these places are actually in the past if you line up where they fall on the culture/history/matrix. please avoid these places because your children need slow internet to learn, not no internet. also you don’t want to actually go in to the past. as the 5 second rule woman says in comments - "NEVER LEAVE YOUR LATTE BEHIND." so be careful. i hope my map is useful for you.

7 June 11

zaartar

i started reading this really coo lblog that’s like way right from our area- PALO ALTO. i only went there (palo alto) one time and it looked pretty suburban, pretty like car-dependent, but you know, maybe they got some really in-touch bloggers there. you know, california.

and this recent post that she posted really touched me:

ffffuuuuuu i can totally relate to that.

it really reminded me of this really awesome book i read this one time

hahahahahahaha DONKEYS!!!!

that’s gonna be 5 second rule lady. she’s gonna be havin such a great experience riding a donkey.

she’s gonna be in that grocery store bein all “LF zaatar + slow ass internet” and after reading her post i got really really inspired and i made all these blingees.

aarrraaab grooocccerrrr ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ 

just lookin for zaatar and slow internet. just need some slow internet and szzatar - just don’t want any FAST internet. and if you don’t have any internet in your country, i don’t really want to visit you. cuz i am looking for 2 things:

1. slow internet

2. zaatar

cuz i don’t want my children to like actually live in deprivation without internet, i want them to learn something from this experience.

so i just want them to not like have full internet deprivation, but just like, learn to appreciate their really good internet connections. cuz I REMEMBER, let’s just say, that I REMEMBER, what it was like when internet was 56.6kbps and i know that my kids have been fortunate enough, here in palo alto, to not ever have had to experience that kind of world. so maybe going to this place where we can buy zaatar might help them learn about the value of their own fast internet connection THROUGH EXPERIENCING THE SLOW INTERNET CONNECTION. does that make sense?

i really also feel like despite the slow internet, they have ladies over there who could totally blog about all the great stuff they’re making over there. like we could really make a connection. i mean, look at this:

these ladies are hte original food bloggers, showing their technique via the best photography that they had available on their slr’s back in their time.

additionally. i feel like we can really bond over the most important meal of hte day: BREAKFAST. (yum!!!)

here are the slow internet ladies enjoying breakfast:

lol here’s palo alto breakfast:

and breakfast:

and breakfast:

and breakfast:

and breakfast:

i just feel like we have a lot of connections. we can really do something together. somethng with zaatar. despite their slow internet.

Tags: zaatar
24 May 11

die hard and g & t

when i did that test a little while back about what writer your writing is like i put in my words that i work so hard on and the first thing i got was raymond chandler - and i was like who is that? it’s like a pulpy, noir guy. i was pretty happy with that, that’s pretty legit as far as a popular medium is concerned. i should’ve just stopped there but i didn’t. so i got the following in the following order on the next chunks of text: cory doctorow, margaret atwood, cory doctorow, cory doctorow.

at that point, i was like WHO IS THIS CORY DOCTOROW GUY? so i learned all about boingboing and how he’s a very well regarded young scifi author and thought leader.

you know how i have problems updating the blog a lot lol so i thought this whole internet productivity advice would be really helpful for me. so i read this guy’s interview on cory doctorow’s boingboing :

<== this guy.

Avi: Do you have any tips for being comfortable with failure and bouncing back?

Seth: I think the people who have read my work, it doesn’t feel right to them, but over time you get used to it, which is failure is the point. That if you’re going to say “failure is not an option” then you’ve just ruled out success as well. Because the only way you get to success is by learning what doesn’t work.

So my goal for 20 years has been to fail more than anyone before me. And I’m succeeding that almost nobody in my industry has failed as many times as I have. If you can fail more than anyone else, then you win. Because if you fail really monstrously large, you don’t get to play again.

So there’s no way you’re going to be able to fail more than anyone else. The goal is to fail new, to fail in an interesting way, to fail in a way that you learn from that you don’t repeat, and to fail not so badly so that you get to do it again.

LOL DOING PRETTY GOOD AT THAT.

Avi: Once you take the initiative, the other thing you can do is you build a tribe around that initiative. It takes a lot of work. What can guide you through the initial lonely stage?

Seth: Well of course building a tribe takes a lot of work. If it didn’t, everyone would do it. This idea of scarcity comes back again and again.

We don’t hesitate, some of us, to go get a job in a coal mine or a factory or working for an insurance company even though we’ve just signed up for 10,000 hours of mind‑numbing, finger‑grinding hard work with no for real upside.

And yet, we look at this prospect of building a tribe of 5,000 or 10,000 or 500,000 people who want to hear what we have to say, who want to go where we are going, who are looking for a leader, and we hesitate.

Actually, you’re not hesitating because you fear the work. You’re hesitating because the resistance fears failure. Getting a job, shredding tires at the factory, we don’t feel that same fear because we know we’re not going to fail.

My argument is that we’re walking into this new culture, this new era, where tribes are so valuable and they’re going to get harder and harder to build. So if you care, and it only works for people who care, then you really have no choice but to go start building your tribe.

NOT BUILDING A TRIBE - HOW TO DO? (WORRIED ABOUT THE WORD “TRIBE” - IS IT RACIST?)

Avi: Do you have any tips for being comfortable with failure and bouncing back?

Seth: I think the people who have read my work, it doesn’t feel right to them, but over time you get used to it, which is failure is the point. That if you’re going to say “failure is not an option” then you’ve just ruled out success as well. Because the only way you get to success is by learning what doesn’t work.

So my goal for 20 years has been to fail more than anyone before me. And I’m succeeding that almost nobody in my industry has failed as many times as I have. If you can fail more than anyone else, then you win. Because if you fail really monstrously large, you don’t get to play again.

So there’s no way you’re going to be able to fail more than anyone else. The goal is to fail new, to fail in an interesting way, to fail in a way that you learn from that you don’t repeat, and to fail not so badly so that you get to do it again

I AM DEFINITELY NOT FAILING IN AN INTERESTING WAY. I AM JUST FAILING IN THE NORMAL WAY. SETH - HOW THE FUCK DO I FAIL IN AN INTERESTING WAY? NEED ADVICE ON THAT SPECIFICALLY.

Avi: What advice would you give your smart kid who’s in high school right now?

Seth: That’s easy. Go start something. Right. There’s no locks on the door. The world marketplace is right there. Go on Craigslist, go on eBay, build a blog, build a website, build a following on Twitter, start a tribe, organize things.

You will learn as you go. No one needs to know you’re in high school. But the benefits that you will get from leading in that way and connecting in that way are very very hard to overstate. Don’t wait for permission. Just start.

THE WORST ADVICE IN TEH WHOLE THING. YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT EVERYONE DOING ART AND IT BEING WROTHWHILE.

i don’t think seth godin helped me. i am really having trouble with failing in an interesting way.

basically i think this all goes back to motivation, inspiration, life changes, creativity, and actualization. so you know i started like exploring beyond food blogs for inspiration cuz like, the truly uninspired vegan meze spread i made for a houseguest this weekend was a way new low. altho i did get a really nice book about miso and tofu and i’ve just really been enjoying these like beautiful upscale really really fresh mezcal cocktails with innovative flavors and all of those great california flavors. with one of those, you really only need one, you know? so it’s not that conducive to bllog post production…

and in a quest for inspiration i’ve just been learning a lot about “digital art” (apparently it’s what i’ve been doing with my blingees hahahaha) and reading this really cool publication called rhizome.org. now please bear with me cuz i know it’s a little different from my usual turf, but i really think that if you stick with me for just a minute you’ll think it’s really cool too. 

(questions about die hard: why does the LAPD have a tank? and why does snape look more like 1st commander riker than like nin? :( die hard is truly of its time, yet transcends it as well.)

so now that i know about digital art and that it’s really interesting to repurpose some super marios so that only the clouds show and how there’s a lot that’s really fresh about tryin to make some art with blingees, and how it’s all right to call yourself an artist born in 1986 (“considered an authority on animated gif art”), i figured there must be an angle i can work here in terms of making money or getting a book deal or at the very fucking least living up to my description as an average writer and content strategist specializing in new media, design, food and sustainability. no one says i can’t add “and is considered an authority on really cool digitalart” to the end of that.

so i tried to explore some themes you know? these are a little “out of hte way” from my usual food-related inspiration, but then again, if you are expanding your boundaries and failing in interesting ways, you can’t very well fucking do that with pictures of corn shopped onto kirsten dunst’s hair can you?

maybe will expand to food soon…we’ll see

1 May 11

veggie burgers

i haven’t given you a new vegetarian cookbook and since i’m otherwise out of content, here is the veggie burger cookbook by the morningstar corporation. it is a full, lush text with photos that intimate the same. yet there is a palpable missing element, a lacuna filled with menace and pregnant with meaning: where is the MorningStar Farms® Meal Starters™ Grillers® Recipe Crumbles™ in these books? what does its exclusion mean for us and for society?

here’s the cover - BEAUTIFUL!

this is helpful, a personal touch for a book whose author is a corporation:

what will be inside? just different toppings for veggie burgers? i mean, not much variety you can have just with toppings and stuff cuz the burger itself is actually frozen and you can’t like modify it itself aside from like method of reheating…like microwaving, or grilling, or frying.

anyway, since i don’t abide by internet standards of acceptable behavior, i will spoiler you: there are quite a few recipes that deal with just toppings on veggie burgers -

so i was eager to move beyond the veggie burger toppings arena and into the more creative uses front.

here is the first creative use: a bueatiful veggie burger caprese salad:

i always felt like caprese salads were missing something and that something was a glistening, shuddering veggie burger.

here is the recipe. there are some really helpful instructions for dealing with rotting baby spinach leaves in prewashed salad mix:

although the whole premise behind the next recipe is flawed to the core, this is the first recipe where veggie crumbles would have clearly been better:

ugh a disgusting veggie burger stew. i really don’t understand why this book doesn’t feature hte Morningstar Farms® Meal Starters(TM) Grillers® Recipe Crumbles(TM) product. the book is from 2009, which is many years after i first began using the product as evidenced by my classic recipe for family taco night which, tho only documented in 2009, had been being refined for at least several years before then. for example, did you know that altho the 2009 recipe calls for 1 small fresh tomato, i had previously used 1 large tomato, or for example, only ro*tel and NO fresh tomato. the point is that considering the timing of the publication of the morningstar veggie burger cookbook, the Morningstar Farms® Meal Starters(TM) Grillers® Recipe Crumbles(TM) product was already widely available in krogers and safeways across america - why the omission? why?

another disgusting recipe made more disgusting with the addition of veggie burger yet also baffling due to use of veggie burger and not veggie crumble:

as the description says, the evocation of italy is so strong with this veggie burger frittata that i did just get a mouth boner d’italia when i looked at the picture. there’s something about it that evokes italy to me - but it’s a close call between which one is more evocative of italy between this one and the veggie burger salad caprese.

have your VOICE HEARD:

here is a veggie burger recipe that comes to us straight from the funny mountains of china:

here’s finished product:

sorry i tried to save the blingee for working on it later but i couldn’t edit it again. i guess it came out ok anyway :\ i feel like the main thematic element came through though, so that’s ok.

my favorite recipe in the book though jumps through 5 hoops of necessity before arriving to rest on a bed of a microwave-safe fiesta bowl:

black bean dip doesn’t normally have meat, but this one has veggie burger that you’ve torn up into little pieces. black bean dip doesn’t normally have cream cheese, but this one does. black bean dip might have spices, but the main spicy element referred to in the title here comes from prepackaged medium-spicy thick-and-chunky jarred salsa - please don’t use spicy jarred salsa :(. this also involves the use of a slowcooker and 3 hours. if i was rich, i would make this to find out how it was because i was invested in you and in blog gimmicks. but unfortunately i am poor and i don’t have a pressure cooker so.. sol :( .

but what i do have is imagination. and here is what i imagined that the veggie burger black bean dip would look like in my mind:

one day, when my kickstarter fund for a pressure cooker for veggie-burger-related-uses-only tops up, maybe on that day i will make some veggie burger black bean dip.

28 April 11

UUUGHHH WHY DO MY POSTS HAVE SO MANY WORDS

UUUUUUGH the $3 sandwich rule was invented for a reason. we do not buy sandwiches that cost less than $3 for a very good reason (it’s private). and when we break the rule, we have to eat the whole sandwich even tho it’s unclear what the “meat” part of hte veggie banh mi is made of (usually you can tell like tofu, or shredded yuba, or seitan, you know) and there’s so much more bread than filling. just so much more bread. this is rapidly turning into THE banh mi debacle of the mid-2011s. i don’t want to have to start a fight on this, but really this is a nightmare.

UGH guess i’ll just have to drink the entirety of this alcohol to deal with the pain. and it’s getting so bad that i’m not even watching netflix, i’m just watching commercials on youtube.

you know, the chicagoland electronics chain fretter disappeared from tv in the mid-90s when i knew them by the tagline “it’s always better to buy at fretter”:

but apparently a major source of their decline was the inability to settle on a slogan. i can barely even find a commercial that has the “it’s always better to buy at fretter” slogan. these other ones have “if you want fretter prices you’ve got to shop at fretter,” and some other ones. sorry i lost steam after i saw that first one. the FUCKING POINT is that who are these people watching these fretter commercials with me?

1,453 assholes watched this with me. 1 of them liked it and 2 of them hated it. that means that there’s a lot more red on that bar than green. i watch a lot of youtube music videos and the typical like/dislike ratio of green to red looks like it does for hall and oates:

a bar of green with a sliver of red. because i only listen to awesome music i guess.

anyway, seeing that bar of red on the fretter video was just kind of a shock. i’ll have to keep drinking a little bit to emotionally absorb the shock. alcohol: nature’s shockpads i guess.

see, look at this dance hit from the circa 2008 era - 0 fucking dislikes:

oh fretter, there’s no room for you in a changing world.

Tags: music
22 April 11

accidental content

i just turned the tv on to watch some netflix instant and gwyneth is cooking on tv with ellen. they are making vegan paella. it’s completely vegan.

what was that that she put in? oh yea just spanish saffron. and some pimenton from spain which ellen has NEVER EVEN HEARD OF. ellen also doesn’t know what sweating is for an eggplant.

what is that pan gwyneth? it’s just a paella pan. it’s pretty inexpensive and it’s pretty perfect for paella. so the rice just cooks like that? yea it’s paella rice. but you can use arborio rice or whatever, risotto rice, whatever shitrice you have just lying around.

also kale chips are so easy. you give them to your kids and they eat them like potato chips and it is just so awesome. gwyneth doesn’t even know how long they cook for, they just come out and shove themselves down your children’s throats and health them.


like 3 people just clapped when gwyneth said vegenaise? ellen is being funnier than gwyneth. they are making jokes about how hot the paella is, only like 2 people laughed for those cuz they were so bad.

19 April 11

we’re all down ass bitches

as you know i’m in the hip hop school of cooking. i even own the isaac hayes cookbook, cooking with heart and soul. as part of my advanced studies in the hip hop school, i deal with original works in higher hip hop cooking theory (seminar 363).

you know inspiration comes from all corners and for the last six months i have been suckling at the sweet fleshy tit of tupac amaru shakur inspyration. my favorite 2pac song is i ain’t mad at cha.

i hope you like my “reimagining” if you will, or perhaps a channeling even, of 2pac’s life blood and thug-based spirit in the ripe, rich vein of 21st century cooking life.

[Verse One: 2Pac]

Now we was once two students of the same kind

Quick to cut our froze burritos with the same knife. 

You was just a little squarer but you still tried

Made a duck con shit for girlfriend and you felt fried

'Member FRYING duck con shit? didn't quite cook.

in the kitch making ‘wich from that shit book.

now 25, livin life in the “cooklyn”

Oh you a FOODIE now, cheese in muslin

Heard you might be comin here, eat some rample pie

"fancy" pizza topped with matzah and some bonsai

I seems I lost my little homie he’s a changed man

Hit the ‘klyn and now no takeout is the game plan

When I say i like “well done” all you see is the struggle

When I eat some frozen peas you tell me it’s trouble

Congratulation on the ‘ternship, I hope your mom knows

slice ny’s a legit site, and that’s no bullshittin

I know we grew apart, you probably don’t remember

I used to instant mashed potatoes, it never blocked my shitter

And I can see us after school, we’d BOOOMB

some english muffin pizzas with some cheese on

Now the whole shit’s changed, and we don’t even kick it

Got a kickstartr scheme, and you ain’t even with it

Hmm, knew in my heart you was the same motherfucker

snort wasabi off a roll, you got a brother’s back 

And I can’t even trip, cause I’m just laughin at cha

You tryin hard to maintain, then go head

cause I ain’t mad at cha

(Hmm, I ain’t mad at cha)

[Chorus: Danny Boy]

I ain’t, mad, at cha [2Pac:] (I ain’t mad at cha)

I ain’t, mad, at cha

[Verse Two: 2Pac]

We used to be like distant cousins, mic’in hungry mans

killing hunger with some sugar, mushroom soup from cans

mixin up some puppy chow, shit was good i swears

I’m gettin blitzed and I reminsce on all the times we shared

Besides huffin slurpees wasn’t nothin on our mind

In time we learned to live a life of thyme

Rewind us back, to a time was much too young to know

I’m goin to grad school up at cornell, fuck this low wage shitshow

And even though we seperated, you said that you’d wait

Don’t give nobody our hot concept while I be “locked” upstate

kiss my pizza kiln goodbye, wipe the tears from its lonely eyes

Said I’ll return but I gotta fight the fate’s arrived

Don’t shed a tear, tho jesus there ain’t no pizza here

leavin you behind, no more pies, for a couple years

They got me goin mad, I’m knockin sense into their tastebuds 

in my apt., thinkin, “Hell, I know one day I’ll be back”

As soon as I touch down

I told my kiln I’ll be there, so prepare, to get rubbed down (with olive oil)

The homies wanna lick it, but I’m just laughin at cha

Cause youse a down ass bitch, and I ain’t mad at cha

[Chorus: Danny Boy]

I ain’t, mad, at cha [2Pac:] (I ain’t mad at cha)

I ain’t, mad, at cha [2Pac:] (A true down ass bitch, and I ain’t mad at cha)

[Verse Three: 2Pac]

Well guess who’s movin up, this “student“‘s ballin now

Bitches be callin to get it, bloggers keep fallin down

He went from nuthin to lots, ten carrots to burdock

Went from a nobody cooker to the big man on the block

He’s Mister local celebrity, addicted to muscadines

Most hated by tumblrines, escape into chokeberries

See, first you was our partner but you made it, so the choice is made

Now we gotta slay you why you faded, in the younger days

So full of pain while the fires blaze

bloggin for thrifteats hopin that we make it to the better days

Cause food pays, and in time, you’ll find a wood fire that BLAZE

You’ll feel the fire burnin dollars outta creme brulees

So many changed on me, so many tried to plot

That I keep a wok beside my bed, when will it stop?

Til God return me to my essence

Cause even as a adolescents, I refuse to be a convalescent

So many questions, and they ask me if I’m still down

I moved up out of tumblr, so I ain’t real now?

They got so much to say, but I’m just laughin at cha

You niggaz just don’t know, but I ain’t mad at cha

[Chorus: Danny Boy]

I ain’t, mad at cha [2Pac:] (and I ain’t mad at cha)

Iiiiiiiii ain’t mad [2Pac:] (hell nah I ain’t mad at cha) at cha

I ain’t, mad at mha [2Pac:] (nand I ain’t mad at cha)

I ain’t, mad at cha [2Pac:] (I ain’t mad at cha)

I ain’t, mad at cha, noooo

I ain’t mad at chaaaaahhhhhhhh 

Tags: 2pac - 4lyfe
17 April 11

angland

thanks to that ho at the awl for supplying pictures and emotional direction.

Tags: angland
4 April 11

sorry, no content

do you guys buy all of your wine at smart and final too? why do they carry red and green varieties of el yucateco but not the delicious brown kutbil-ik? kudos to smart and final for now carrying normal-sized cans of chickpeas instead of 20 pound cans of chickpeas which are so hard for our DINK household to use (is “DINK” still used? or is it one of those pre-9/11 words?). unfortunately, they still only carry the 20 pound triple wide version of secret ladies deoderant and unfortunately since i am still working on porking out my armpits, their size is not yet appropriate for my underarm area. as a result, i’ve just been going au naturale in armpits for a couple weeks (hi coworker readers!!!)

i am drinking beringer 09 smart and final pinot grigio and watching daily shows online. that jon stewart’s still got it!

i was just watching this video for can you feel it and thinking about how the bloodroot collective would probably be down with the jacksons’ self actualizing message and the woman positive shape of the person in the gold bodysuit.

however, i don’t think they’d be down with this other instance of a hot bitch in a gold bodysuit:

i mean, what can you do - france has apparently 100 vegetarians total. it’s not surprising that they are not down with with buying what the bloodroot collective is metaphorically selling.

Tags: NO CONTENT
30 March 11

prepared meats

cured meats i could identify on sight - no problem

Russian hunters sausage (kabanosi - also polish)

Russian “bear” sausage (my favorite as a child)

Smoked turkey breast

ham

Honey glazed ham

Bacon

Salami (not any specific kinds though, i could pretty much only identify the fact that something was salami)

boloney

pepperoncini

prosciutto

pepperoni

salo (still count as meat?)

Cured meats i’ve heard of but could not identify on sight

Soppresata

Corned beef

Pancetta

Mortodella (i thought it was a cheese for a while)

Lardon

Head cheese

blood sausage

Brancusi (is this a meat?)

Liverwurst 

All other russian sausages

all other sausages

Borderline

Sucuk

Chinese sausages

Pastrami (is it the one that looks like it’s rotting all the time?)

cured meats i’d never heard of until a friend tried to convince me they were real today

Braciole

Terrines

galantine

Jabon iberico

Fromage de tete

Saucisse

Nduja

culatello

copa

bresaola

29 March 11

the case of the dancing lock gif

when i looked up how to drink bourbon, i clicked on the very first hit. it looked good cuz it was on a forum called straight bourbon. this was the post. you know it’s legit cuz the original post is from 2002, back when our choices of politically liberal bloggers to follow was so much narrower than it is now. seeing that little dancing lock in the style of a certain “famed on the internet” banana just brought waves and waves of something over me.

there it is. what is that something?

what is it that comes over a man when the eyes reel wildeyed from all of that white text on all of that black background? when series of boxes with text are above other boxes with text. how many posts has sandiegojohn89 made? when did he first join? why can’t i forget the forum life?

gifs for avatars, anime quotes with ~*>o.O<*~ all over the place, traded accusations of noobitude, defense of one’s skills and the sharing of the fact that one has had sex, is currently having sex, has regular access to sex, and in fact holds down a really fat job and drives a fantastically good car.

can’t put that life behind.

what’s missing in the foodternet? what’s being left out of 20,000 comments on cinnamon rolls? 25 millions comments on mountain dew apple dumplings?

is it a big pile of shit? a stinking shit taken all over everything? is that what’s missing?

a shit cake with fondant turdicues?

a shitcard, nori-thin?

a beautiful shitballoon filled almost to bursting with ass gasses, held aloft with the merest, barely visible string of hair pulled out of ass?

where are they the humble servants of chaos who with a wink and a smile shit all over everyone everywhere all the time? do they not too read thepioneerwoman.com? is it cuz bitches are always nice to each other and supportive of rising up together in taking care of their bodies and their families while nurturing their souls (and tummies!)

troll (internet) - where are you when we need your loki-esque gifts most? why hide away from the most robust corners of the femininternet? come out troll (internet), we have called you upon our massive troll horn of the wild, our brightest of troll bat signals.

27 March 11

these days

in these last brittle, twilight hours before the iron paywall of europe descends on www.nytimes.com, we momentarily lift the veil of linkban with a brief memory-based retrospective down “dining & wine” lane. take a walk with me through the jagged streets of delishy memory. we’ll hold each others hands and hold 3 shots of curacao in all of our other hands.

  1. remember that slow baked beans with kale that was at the top of the most emailed list for a legit eternity? was it march? was it february? why this recipe? why now? why ever.
  2. mark bittman’s 5000 2 line recipes, appropriate for every season
  3. mark bittman’s matrixes of soups including most baffilingly, vegetable broth with a piece of bread in it.
  4. the one from the wine critic reflecting on his life and how exhausting it is to always be eating at fancy restaurants
  5. man my memory is so bad that i literally can only remember things that happened this month like how veggie burgers are food now apparently
  6. turkey day live advice column lol!
  7. san francisco has italian restaurants. full disclosure: my daughter works at delfina
  8. have you heard that philly has food?
  9. have you heard that brooklyn has food?
  10. have you heard that oakland has food?
  11. have you heard that DURHAM has food?
  12. have you heard of food processors?
  13. the banh mi fiasco
  14. it’s time to reclaim iceberg lettuce wedge salads, people.
  15. mark bittman would like to give you some information about eating animals that you might not have heard before
  16. a food manifesto
  17. lol grilling season has begun!
  18. something something redzepi
  19. something something achatz
  20. chinese noodles
  21. cooking with children
  22. cooking for children
  23. childrens’ cooking
  24. interactive photo grid of vegetarian sides
  25. that vegan cupcake slut
  26. 2 words: pepperoni snow
  27. that gluten free woman’s book is so good
  28. magnum opus: napa county pollan bacchanal. clay oven. one fire. local produce. dead of winter. insensitive in our troubled times or just what we need to stoke the hearths of our inner fires????
20 March 11

japan…

i’m sorry for radio silence, everyone. like all of you, i’ve been grieving regarding the situation in japan. remarkable how many people have managed to pull through and pull together.

i’m particularly honored to be a part of the food community in moments like these when people can really pull together and make a difference through their skills and interests. it’s just amazing the kinds of things we can do together to make a difference - all because of the internet! here are just a few of the things that you couldn’t do when there were large scale disasters around the world 10 years ago before food blogs were really as developed and intertwined as a community. today we are not just intertwined with our fellow foodies, but intertwined with the people of japan. because let’s face it, we’ve all gotta eat and in difficult times, it’s hard to imagine many things being much more important than that!

so here are several of the things i’ve read about since the earthquake (aside from learning about reactors and potential radiation levels here in california, lol!):

i’m sure you’ve already heard about the major bakesale benefit happening. it’s even got its own logo:

i’ve seen a lot of logos for the japan disaster so far, most incorporating the “rising sun” element, so kudos to the designer of this one for ensuring that his logo wins the war of rising-sun-themed-japan-tsunami logos by specializing on the bakesale. just look at the comments on that generic tsunami logo post, 50 unemployed/freelancers all dyin to get a crack at that disaster logo market. all $_$ in their eyes.

anyway, that’s all beside the point. this logo is taking the world by storm. it’s on the official facebook page for the event and it’s fucking lighting the blog world up. here’s one, here, here, here, here, here, here. i’m not sure what got into these other guys, but all of these people did not get the message about the logo: here, here, here, here (vegan), here, here, and here. i’m not quite sure how we’re supposed to build momentum and gain viral status out there in the larger internet community without a unified front on the logo front. i’ll go ahead and email these other blogs and let them know about the official logo, just in case they haven’t heard about it! (i like to give people the benefit of the doubt :))

i feel really proud that this effort appears to have started in my area: “the bay area: on the front lines of the future of food and the future of food social marketing experiences in giving.”

i can hear you now tho, lol, “yea this is a great event, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FOOD!!!” it looks like most of the options are veering toward the normal bakesale fare, but it’s so heartening when the bakers manage to add a culturally sensitive spin to their creations:

in that spirit, in solidarity with the people of japan, i made a big batch of veggie sushi and spring rolls last week. i took some pictures, but only on my cell phone and they came out pretty bad, so i guess you’ll just have to imagine how good it was!

later in the week i made a sichuan style douhua, but i guess that’s more chinese and not japanese. :\

i also thought again about buying that japanese tofu cookbook i’ve seen a few times at nice price books, but some of the recipes call for shrimp and i try to limit myself strictly to vegetarian cookbooks. so, i didn’t get it, but i thought about it.

anyway, while i can’t participate in the bake sale because of my prior commitment to not doing fucking shit except playing civilization, i felt like i participated in my own little way with my sushi and a special tiny asian dish for my soy sauce and wasabi mix (the little dish has a little fish on it - even tho no fish died in my sushi).

the funny thing is, while i feel really great about what my online food community is doing to make a difference, and especially my role in it, i sometimes get a tiny twinge like “i just wonder if this is the best way that i can put my skills and talents to use to help people in japan?” i mean, i know that my main skills involve being a good friend, a pretty good cook, and a fucking killer blogger, but have i done the most i possibly can with these skills? maybe i should host some veggie japanese cooking classes for an intimate group of friends? maybe at like 40 bucks a head? then maybe i could film the classes and send em to the daily what with subject heading “FUN CREATIVE PROJECT TO HELP JAPAN (VIDEO).” then i could donate the money and finally become famous on the internet just like i always wanted - all while helping a good cause.

4 March 11

it’s just so exhausting being inspired all the time.

as with william gibson "My problem is that all things are increasingly interesting to me." this is both cory doctorow’s life philosophy and of course mine as well.apparently it’s the life philosophy of every commenter on that post also (no haters on boingboing???).

that’s why i’m trying to stay away from shine food blog as much as possible. there is just no pleasing some people and i swear, the commenters on there make it one of (if not the) rudest food community. and that’s when they’re not being the most apathetic, i mean only 56 comments on the breastmilk story? you can barely get these yahoo people enraged about a horrible thing let alone get excited about anything. it’s really a bummer. that’s all it is.

thankfully my new favorite inspiration source is pink of perfection and let me tell you, the commenters there really make it feel like a community. this is no ivillage bullshit with all those fake ass whores. this is the real deal. just ladies supporting each other. kind of like shape of a mother but you know, work safe.

she really lets it all hang out. like sometimes you can really feel the enthusiasm dripping out of every one of her perfect little pores nad you know me, i just get really down with that kind of thing. she takes things that might maybe seem trivial to some people (like rearranging the couch in your house) but makes them sort of like expand out to where it’s kind of emblematic of the larger life changes you can make with just one tiny baby step. altho i’m not really sure how i feel about her focus on the words full, abundance, and expansive. i mean i get what she’s trying to say, it’s buddhist. but it just feels a little like fatty to me. i mean, that’s totally just me and i’m probably reading it wrong.

but the thing i really like about her is just her way that she makes people feel optimistic in light of difficult situations. like in that post she talks about how she’s accomplished everything she ever dreamed of and despite all that she still feels like an empty fucking pile of emptiness shit. i relate to that. i’m sure you all do. the commenters are really supportive of her situation there and that’s what makes it a really good community. it’s not just about the really creative and yummy delicious recipes that she posts (that are very very affordable and don’t have all those ingredients that you’re scrambling to get), it’s about something more. something about having the people on the internet and they’re there for you especially when you share your life with them and with us as well, in a really beautiful moment of the way the internet makes us all really feel connected.

28 February 11

NEW YEAR NEW YOU MOTHERFUCKERS

i’m not even drinking and 10 mins in, commando is already going really well! they should just call him girl george - it would definitely cut down on the confusion! in full agreement on that one arnold.

since it’s still a new year new you, we are launching a fucking hot new gimmick. that gimmick is that i will illegally scan several pages of books in my vegetarian cookbook shelf and then make lols about it. i hope that you guys are down for some oneliners cuz this is what we’re gonna do. and since i just finished watching universal soldier and the credits had the song BODY COUNT’S IN THE HOUSE, we’re gonna mark every post related to this new topic with a low res youtube of MOTHERFUCKING BODY COUNT’S IN THE HOUSE:

yaaaaaay!

__________________________________________________

ok sorry i wrote that whole thing like 2 days ago when i wasn’t drinking but WAS watching universal soldier followed by commando. now i AM drinking and watching starman. do normal women usually fall asleep drunk in underpants and sweaters because it seems like her ass would get cold as hell. jesus this ghost alien is flipping pages in her photo album and now it entered a clip of hair? see girl this is why you don’t fall asleep in your underwear cuz when you wake up all drunk in your bedroom with your living room with that blue plasma glow you end up walking into it in your underwear. JESUS WHAT IS THIS FILTHY PLASTIC BABY OH MY FUCKING GOD IT’S A DEMON BABY OH JESUS WHY IS THIS HAPPENING OH GOD NOW IT’S A REAL BOY BUT NOW IT’S CLAY AGAINNNNN??????????? DEAR GOD THIS IS THE WORST THING I’VE EVER SEEN.

well nothing quite like that to sober me up.

i’m not sure i’m down with continuing to watch this movie.

:|

i don’t know why i’m even bothering to keep drinking. anyway, mournfully, here’s my first book:

this is a very appropriate book for watching commando 2 days ago. here are some great lines from commando:

the girl says: “i can’t believe this macho bullshit”

a baddie says to arnold: “fuck you asshole!”

arnold responds: “fuck you asshole!”

the girl says: “these guys eat too much red meat!”

LOOK HOW APPROPRIATE THIS SHIT IS TO THE BLOODROOT COLLECTIVE! THESE BITCHES PROBABLY WEREN’T INTO COMMANDO CUZ THEY DON’T LOOK TOO INTO DUDES, BUT THEIR PERSPECTIVE IS VOICED IN THE DIALOGUE AND THE PHYSICAL PRESENCE OF THE MINORITY FEMALE’S VOICE IN THE MOVIE.

at another point, the lady says to arnold: “did anyone ever tell you you’ve got a lot of hostility?”

i feel like i’m really drawing a lot of psychic connections here. meat, masculinity, whiteness, food, violence. i mean, commando was going a lot better than starman. just as an update, this is turning into a nice atame-style stockholm syndrome movie with jeff bridges as the rainman robot/alien/kidnapper that girlfriend gets to believably fall in love with. this was really his rainman wasn’t it. what a fucking piece of shit. what a huge fucking letdown. in my own words: “he’s like a fucking really dumb rain man/robot/native american stereotype/alien/tarzan kidnapping poor girlfriend and forcing her to act like a lady in a movie by falling in love with her violent oppressor.” as the bloodroot collective might cry out in their mighty unified primal yell, “this is some fucking buuulllllllshiiiit. i can’t believe john carpenter wants us to believe that normal ass bitches are like ‘hey here’s my dead husband acting like a proper fucking fool and he kidnapped me. guess i’ll just have to fall in love with this dumb pile of hair.’”

anyway, let’s just say that lynn probably wanted to fucking stab linda in the eys on christmas, 1981 for giving her this goddamn book:

she probably felt the same way i felt when i watched the girl in commando working a rocket launcher. she probably felt like this: “man i would fucking kill for a rocket launcher. esp. to stab linda in the fucking EYES.”

oh great and now our kindly kidnapper resurrected a deer (take note bloodroots) and is walking through some flames holding the main lady like some gentle mentally-handicapped kidna-terminator.

sorry ladies, i’m getting just like rlly rly worked up by this movie and the political palate and swirling memories of commando from two days ago. but things are ok, i’ve got the bloodroot ladies to calm me down and center me and bring me back down to the things that ground women to the earth and generations of women in the past and future (pecan pies):

as you can see, every recipe in the book has an accompanying feminist quote. this one in particular seems particularly relevant to our stockholm problem in our heartwarming oscar-nominated movie of the night.

my favorite deployment of the feminist quote is on this page that describes an edible wild spring root in new england:

what is the juxtaposition of spinach salad with sherry dressing with “no more genocide in my name” trying to say here?

i made the following note on the draft of this post when i was watching commando (2 days ago):

"naked oily striped arnold is meleeing with the chainmail shirt handlebar mustache british guy. daggers lol."

here’s another one:

well, it’s all over. “”“rain/star/man”“”” just resurrected homegirl and she called the authorities to report that her earlier kidnap rescue call was “all bullshit.” and now a native american woman with a baby is prompting our handicapped hero to ask girlfriend about babies. well, guess that’s it. bloodroot collective is having one large collective cosmic sad at this pathetic portrayal of abject, complete female domination. if you’ll recall, commando was just as pathetic. arnold kidnap-guilts the poor main woman by telling her all about his kidnapped daughter (an intergenerational interracial string of violently and emotionally abducted women) and then teaches her how to shoot a rocket launcher and engage in other forms of violence (altho i’m ok with the rocket launcher), and then at the end they’re probably gonna live happily ever after cuz they smile at each other and then it cuts to black.

DEAR GOD AND NOW RAINSTARMAN AND MY HOMEGIRL ARE GETTING IT ON. THIS SOME BULLSHIT.

it’s hard to come up with the right words to describe my FEMALE wrath and depression at this situation. i’m not even watching the movie at this point. i can tell by the music that they’re still getting it on. it’s taking a while. ok now it’s over i think. yea there’s a helicopter, ok.

OH GOD JEFF BRIDGES JUST SAID “I GAVE YOU A BABY TONIGHT. A BOY BABY.”

what i’m trying to say is that as a lady, my mind is not really good at making the right words. when i have feelings, it’s so hard!!! i just get so angry and i wrrrRAAAHH i don’t even - it’s SO HARD to make the words. i just wish some smart people would have…help….help for my head (And my heart!!!) in making words (GOOD words) for my emotions. emotions hurt, inside. i just wnat help, with the words. :(

maybe this recipe for japanese soba noodles will have some words that will help me. maybe they will help…

Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh